which has offended many people who are aware that he is actually dirt.
How to square this obvious rubbishness with that inconvenient all-time recordthough? It’s surprising how simple it is. We have put on our tinfoil thinking caps, and every one of Kane’s England goals has been revealed with some work, some of which are certainly more than others.
Heres the nice cut-out-and-keep link to the fact the so-called MSM given tell you: that his real purpose entire is zero.
Our quest to achieve zero goals for 70 starts out straightforwardly. We enter now.
Harry Kane England goal tally: 70
The 23 Penalty goals
Definitely the easiest place to start, isnt it? You might not be completely certain when excluding penalties turned out to be a legitimate piece of quantitative nonsense, but it wasn’t all that frequently in the days before a strangely large number of people decided to make Harry Kane’s fraudulence a central component of their personalities. But
It’s a lot, isn’t it? Its pretty nearly one third of his England targets. However, some simple people would say,” So what?” Targets are objectives.
Some would say its entirely disingenuous to just remove penalties because penalties are goals. They have always been for exactly one goal and will always be worth exactly one goal. They are more difficult to score than the majority of goals, but some of them are even harder, but excluding them seems completely arbitrary and untrue in good faith. But to all that we say no. Penalties aren’t right goals; there isn’t any new or historical proof that scoring penalties are of any sort, which is why you never catch effectively great players like Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo spitting their stats with any of these stale little spot kicks.
Strike them off the record because Kane’s document looks so much shittier after assuming penalties don’t matter as goals.
Take away his ( and importantly only his, because reasons ) precious penalties and hes already only the fourth leading scorer for England and barely ahead of Jimmy Greaves, which obviously is rubbish. The six Friendly goals, which are
New Harry Kane England purpose total: 47]In the least casually criticized of sports, the International Friendly, Harry Kane strangely scored only eight of his phony England objectives. We dont matter goals in league games on a gamers stats, do we? Why are foreign ones counted? We have already eliminated those sanctions from two of his pleasant goals, which were, of course, penalties.
Then were getting rid of ambitions here that include people in barnstormers against Germany and France and another against Scotland which as we all know is not really a polite is it, ho ho. But the issue is not with purpose or sanity. We may be relentless in our efforts to demonstrate that none of Harry Kane’s objectives are pure. These six remaining goals from games are low-hanging fruits as long as were very careful indeed not to mention the 16 targets Wayne Rooney scored in games or the 26 targets Gary Lineker scored in games or the 35 goals Sir Bobby Charlton scored in friendlies. Sod, I guess. The three San Marino goals
Competitive can be just as deceptive as pleasant, right?
New England goal tally: 41. All World Cup finals are competitive sports, yet 10-0 win over San Marino where Parry Pane results four before half-time. That’s three more goals that were wiped away in 2015, including two sanctions, but he did likewise score in a 6-1 victory over everyone’s favorite footballing minnows. No good international team would actually concede six goals in a single game, so this has not happened.
New Harry Kane England goal tally: 38]
It stands to reason that these six goals were likewise a waste.
So we can charcoal off a target against Bulgaria, whose apparent incompetence is more highlighted by the fact Kane got three helps before scoring himself. We can replace Kane’s hat-trick against Panama in the World Cup if the first-half hat-trick in a 7-0 victory over Montenegro even loses its international reputation. In any case, it was a truly absurd goal.
To that listing we can now also include what some digital, biased people in the spend of Big Kane may have considered a fairly significant opening purpose against a team that beat Germany in Germany and Italy in Italy during the last qualification cycle. Lucky for Kane, who foolishly contributed to the scorings of Marcus Rashford and Bukayo Saka, a very stat-paddy penalty was awarded just before Callum Wilson was flagged off for foul play as he watched from the touchline. typical Kane of greedy guts. At least wed already got rid of the penalty in our earlier recalculations. Again, at this point, we must take care not to mention the goals Wayne Rooney scored in the 6-1 defeat of Iceland, his brace against Andorra, or his own goals taken advantage of San Marino and Kazakhstan. Never mention Sir Bobby Charlton’s hat-trick in the USA’s 8-1 friendly win. Or the hat-trick in a 9-0 win over Luxembourg. or the hat-trick in the 8-0 victory over Mexico. or the hat-trick in Switzerland’s 8-1 victory. Studiously ignore the six goals Gary Lineker scored in 5-0 and 8-0 wins over Turkey, or the four he got in one game against Malaysia. Didn’t Jimmy Greaves score all of his goals in the contest between Brazil and Germany? Okay, records and statistics suggest that Sir Bobby and Greavsie may have been accused of a small amount of minor stat-padding in the 9-3 victory over Scotland or another treble of his own in that 9-0 Luxembourg game. No. The Luxembourgers are a very difficult clientele. Only Harry Kane’s goals in international football are the exception to this rule.
New Harry Kane England goal tally: 32
The three So-called Nations League So-called goals
Not a proper tournament, is it, the Nations League? It lacks a pedigree and a history. Nobody is interested. It cant be considered a proper international tournament alongside a Euros or a World Cup or a Tournoi or an Umbro Cup. One are more than happy to walk the short, obscene road to being just friendly. Only manages to score three goals because Germany only scored two of his five goals in the Nations League. He really has scored a lot of penalties. That’s good because
allows us to bin off the two goals he scored against Finland in his 100th game. Even so, we could have only created a category for goals scored while sporting ghastly gold Skechers. Which, in fairness, would have been instantly the most moral and just of all these categories. Some of these categories, whisper it, may be a little harsh, even making some of them border on unfair.
Still, after lowering Kane’s actual goals total to 29, they were on their way to a meager total, managed by now-retired strikers like Geoff Hurst and his nice Budweiser glass.
New Harry Kane England goal tally: 29
The nine Euro Qualifiers Are A Formality These Days goals
There was a time when qualifying for the Euros was pretty much just as hard as qualifying for the World Cup, give or take a spot or two. It was a real accomplishment to win the Euros when they were a 16-team competition back in the day. The qualifiers are simply there to let scum like Kane pad their stats because they now permit any old team to reach the finals.
Very, very telling that Kane hasnt scored a single England goal in qualification for a 16-team Euros, and the fact the last such qualifiers were played several years before his debut is just a convenient excuse. And it does so with the exact same amount of statistics and facts that his one-eyed supporters have accumulated over the years. It is entirely appropriate for those of us who can identify Kane as a true truth-seeker to eliminate all those clumsy, pointless goals scored in freebie qualification campaigns. Its nine more scrubbed from his tally, even allowing for the fact that wed already found different ways to get rid of quite a few others.
New Harry Kane England goaltally: 20]
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The one Penalty Rebound goal
The only thing more fraudulent than scoring a penalty is missing a penalty, so it stands to reason that scoring from the rebound after youve missed a penalty absolutely shouldnt count as a proper goal on your international record. Even if it’sthe goal that led to your nation’s first major final in 55 years,If it is the goal that brought your nation to its first major final in 55 years, especially is.
New Harry Kane England goal tally: 19
The one Gave Away A Goal Soon Afterwards goal
If you score a goal and then give away a goal, it stands to reason that your net contribution in that game is zero goals, doesnt it? With Harry Kane’s goal against Denmark at Euro 2024, we are at that point. Moren Hjulmand fizzed a 25-yard sh*tpinger in off Jordan Pickfords post only 15 minutes after he opened the scoring by giving the ball away horribly. Obviously, this invalidates his earlier goal. That is math only. The two England didn’t even win goals ( 19659049 )[ New Harry Kane England goal tally: 18]
We all know that Harry Kane’s goals are invalid because of his not winning. Logically then, we shouldnt count any of his goals in games England didnt win. Only nine of those, and seven of them have already been addressed, are getting rid of his opening goal in a 1-1 draw against Poland and a well-known injury-time equalizer against Scotland, all of which bring us closer to our goal. The 15 Non-Elite Opposition goals
New Harry Kane England goal total
Okay, it’s starting to get harder now and it’s taken longer than we hoped, but we must work it because accepting Harry Kane might not be sh*t won’t do. International football is supposed to be the best against the best and its important that we ignore the fact most international football isnt that and never has been.
All international records for goals against inferior opponents are padded. But shush. We can get rid of loads here. Non-elite opposition can be defined as anything, from Malta to Slovenia to Slovenia. Anyone who hasn’t won a World Cup before that, right? Takes care of some otherwise awkward goals like the two against Tunisia in the 2018 World Cup and the one against Senegal in Qatar. Additionally, there are some actual pish against your Albanian and Lithuanian counterparts, such as the Euro 2020 quarter-final goals against Ukraine and the Euro 2024 winner against Slovakia. The one Germany Were Also Rubbish Then, Actually Goal
Having ruthlessly yet riguously found entirely reliable and impartial reasons why 69 of Harry Kanes England goals did not count were left with one. It wasnt a penalty, it was at a major tournament, he didnt immediately give away a goal at the other end, and it was against a team that has won lots of World Cups. However, did Germany not participate in Euro 2020? Then, anyone could and did beat them. Imagine thinking a goal against this Germany team was somehow valid. Really, just embarrassing.
